Learning to Hate
by The Katter
Summary: Anath Cousland wants to hate him. She feels that she had a reason to, but how can she? It wasnʼt he who betrayed her parents. It was his father, and he didnʼt know a thing. Fem!Cousland/Nathaniel


_**Description**: Anath Cousland wants to hate him. She feels that she had a reason to, but how can she? It wasnʼt he who betrayed her parents. It was his father, and he didnʼt know a thing. Fem!Cousland/Nathaniel_

**I am SOOO sorry about the format! I had to convert it from a Mac document to a PC document with Just a PC O.o And, I'm too lazy to fix up how messed up it got anymore!**

**Learning to Hate**

**Chapter 1**

"Ah, Commander!" She held in the sigh. She was beginning to hate that name,

'Commander'. To her, it was even worse than 'The Hero of Ferelden'.

In little more than a year, the person named Anath Cousland died. She could barely remember her. Now, she wasn't sure what to think. Somewhere along her path to finding out who she was, she became someone who she'd never thought she'd become.

She was now Anath, Grey Warden Commander, and Hero of Ferelden. Oh, and now she was the Arlessa of Amaranthine, too.

She'd hoped that she could just be a regular Grey Warden after the Blight, but

after Alistair became king, she was suddenly Warden Commander of Ferelden. It was a

part of her that had hoped that she could go back to Highever, and she dreamed to find

her parents there, welcoming her home.

But now, she was doing other noble's dirty work, and comforting riots against her.

As always.

Oghren seemed to know her thoughts, because he let out such a boisterous

laugh, that she wondered how he'd gotten a hold of ale. _Is he already drinking that gift I_

_gave him?_

"Good thing you're here!" She blinked, suddenly realizing that the prison guard

had been talking. She numbly followed him forward to face the gate. Inside was a figure,

sitting with one leg up, and an arm propped on it. He looked at ease, to be in a prison

cell. His dark hair was unkept, and his face seemed to have enough grime on it to rival

the dirt roads. He cast a rather irked look at her, sizing her up. It made her feel slightly

self conscious.

Here was a women who'd been in countless situations where sheʼd been at

deathʼs door(and had passed the threshold, a few), that was now resisting the urge to

hide behind a guard. She briefly thought that she needed a vacation.

"This one's been locked up three nights, now." That would explain the grime.

"Good men died while this one was protected in his cell." Well, if he'd been let out, wouldn't he kind of be forced to help? It isn't like the darkspawn would have let him just waltz on by.

She ignored the look that the guard gave her, and stared at the prisoner. "Who is

he?" She didn't care if she interrupted more of the man's words.

The guard shrugged. "He won't give his name. All I know is he was caught poking

around the estate in the middle of the night."

To be able to even enter Amaranthine estate would mean that he had to be

skilled. She stepped closer to the cell.

"You'd best be careful!" the guard's voice sounded alarmed. She snickered

quietly at his concern, which made the prisoner eye her in surprise. "I'd say he was just

a thief, but it took four Grey Wardens to capture him."

That sure got her attention. She glanced over at the guard before looked back in

the cell. She narrowed her eyes. "Leave me to talk with him."

"As you wish, Commander." Her eye twitched. Stupid title. The prisoner seemed

to catch on with her unease, and snorted. The guard seemed much too busy informing

her about something she didn't care about to notice. Something about telling the

seneschal, and how he'll want to know every step she made.

Err... or something like that.

She bit her lip, looking at the floor as she heard the guard leave the dungeon.

The heavy wooden door echoed through the stone as it closed. "If it isn't the great hero, conqueror of the Blight and vanquisher of all evil."

His voice was low, but it seemed to carry throughout the space between them

strongly. Somehow, the sarcasm in it was refreshing. He stood when she opened the

cell door walking towards her like he knew just how much of a better person he was

than her. She felt slightly intimated by him, but tried not to let it show. "Aren't you

supposed to be ten feet tall? Where's the lightning bolts that are suppose to be shooting

out of your eyes?"

She giggled, much to her own surprise(and his). That was a threat, and she was

_giggling_. Vacation needed, indeed. "The darkspawn probably think so." she swallowed,

composing herself. "I see my reputation precedes me."

"It does." Ouch. "I know you best as the one who murdered my father." She

furrowed her brow, trying to see any resemblance he had to anyone she knew. The

nose looked slightly familiar... or maybe not.

"I am Nathaniel Howe." Her whole body stiffened, and her mind zeroed on one

word. _Traitor. _"My family owned these lands until you showed up. Do you even

remember my father."

_Oh, I remember him well. Yes, he was the bastard who betrayed my family and_

_threw me into this horrid life. He was the man who murdered my parents, even if it_

_was't by his own hand. He was- _she tried to calm down the rage that she knew all too

well. Nathaniel seemed satisfied by her reaction. "Your bastard of a father brought his

end on himself."

That seemed to make him mad. "My father served the Hero of River Dane-" who

had a close tie on her mental people-most-hated list. "-and fought against the

Orlesians!" Who _doesn't _know that? It was mentioned to her for the longest year of her

life. "Yet our family lost _everything._

" I came here..." he trailed off, letting out a small, humorless chuckle. "I thought I

was going to kill you, to try and lay a trap for you, and I nearly did..." He stopped

abruptly, His face seemed torn when he paused. More lines showed in his forehead.

"But then I realized that I just wanted to reclaim some of my families things. It's... it's all I have left."

A wave of some unknown emotion hit her. She knew what that was like, and she

felt a bit jealous that he had the guts to go after it. She hadn't been to Highever since _it_

happened. She felt... symphony for him. He had come to his home, only to be attacked

and thrown into a dirty cell, hearing the people debate weather or not to kill him.

And then, he'd probably heard that it would be up to his father's killer. She tried to

imagine that happening to her. She sighed, leaning against the damp wall. "You wanted

me killed?"

"That was the plan." he crossed his arms, leaning against the wall beside her. His

gaze was up at the rock ceiling. She realized just how insane she would have gone in

this cell when drops of water slowly dripped onto her nose. "Look, I don't know what

happened with the Couslands. It sounds like it was horrible. The entire war was."

She bit her tongue, deciding to let him finish his explanation before she put in her

two cents. "Whatever my father did, however, shouldn't harm my whole family. The

Howes are outcasts now, those of us left." And now he was back into that menacing,

blaming mode that made her feel extremely guilty. "It's all thanks to you. And now you

get to decide my fate. Ironic, isn't it?"

"Do you really hate me so much?" she asked before she could stop herself. She

held her breath, feeling his eyes fall on her before looking down at the small puddle that

had gathered on the ground. He seemed to avoid the question.

"The darkspawn are a menace. If it weren't for the Blight, maybe my father would never have... done whatever he did." His softer, sorrowful tone did not last. "But I canʼt do anything about them, can I? There's just you and the Grey Wardens, here in my home."

She watched the ripple in the puddle as the water dropped into it. "Why didn't you ask for an audience with me for when I arrived? You took down four Grey Wardens that could vary well have been good help right now."

"All I know about you is that you were a heartless... women who murdered my

father. Besides, I am not without skills. My time abroad wasn't spent chasing skirts and

drinking wine."

"What would you do If I let you go?" she was curious, and he seemed surprised.

"If you let me go? I... I don't know. I only came back to Ferelden a month ago."

He raised a hand, pointing at her with sincerity. "If you let me go, I'll probably come back here. You might not catch me next time."

She eyes the finger "I... I think I've decided what to do with you." she informed

him, before realizing how bad that must have sounded. It must have really rubbed salt in

the wound for him. She just reminded him that she held his life in her hands.

"Really? Good." He spat, turning from me and walking to the other side of the cell without another word. Anath sighed before leaving the cell and locking the door behind her.

"Oghren?" she yelled towards the door. The dwarf had been sitting on the steps,

a large cup of ale snug in his hands. He didn't seem... overly drunk.

"You two done? The tension was too much for me, so I got a drink." Oghren eyed

her cheekily. "You dress fast."

She blinked, not sure what he meant for a moment. When she finally understood

his words, she covered her face with her hands. "Oghren!"

"Yes, that's what they say... or scream." The dwarf answered back, taking a swig

of his drink while she stood there in embarrassment. She didn't dare look at the cell, for

fear that Nathaniel had heard Oghren.

"Just... go get the seneschal, will you?" she sighed in relief when her left without

a word, although not before letting out a rather loud burp. She half hid herself while she

waited for Oghren, but realized fast just how long it may take for him to come back. He

was probably already sidetracked by something... or (more likely) some_one._

"Commander!" She was never so relieved to hear that voice, and she never

would be again. The prison guard walked in, the seneschal behind him. "I brought the

seneschal for you, Commander."

She smiled slightly at them. Oghren must have walked right by them. Nathaniel's head shot around to eye them, though he didn't look very relaxed, as he had before with her. He was eyeing them in the way that she often did her attackers. He was trying to find any weak points.

"I see that you've spoken to our guest." She nodded absentmindedly, watching

the prisoner as he turned his dark, steely onto her. Quite a handful, isn't he? Have you

decided whatʼs to be done with him?"

"Did you know this was Nathaniel Howe?" she asked, folding her arms over her

chest. She wasnʼt sure what their reaction to her decision would be, so she was

procrastinating.

"A Howe?" He didn't seem impressed. "It figures that they would turn up again. "The Howes are implacable enemies, Commander."

"I wish to invoke the Right of Conscription." she blurted before she could change

her mind.

"You _what_?" Nathaniel asked, eyeing her angrily. She refused to look at him, but

instead looked over at the seneschal.

"I'm sorry, Commander... did you just say the Right of Conscription? On the

prisoner?"

Nathaniel jumped forward, his expression seething. "No! Absolutely not!" When

Anath didn't change her decision, he grabbed the bars, frantic. "Hang me! Hang me,

first!"

She watched his knuckled turn white from the pressure of squeezing the bars,

half expecting them to disintegrate. "You don't think this is better than dying?"

He seemed to think it over for a short moment. She couldn't tell if he was being

sarcastic or not. "Hard to say. You like having companions who want you dead?"

She smiled fondly when the thought of Zevran came up. Oh, the elf sent to

assassinate her. He had always been such a nice addition to their bunch, and his jokes

had quickly become bearably. Though, he'd always been a comfortable friend when it

was needed. "Some of my best friends have wanted me dead."

He set his jaw, clenching his teeth rigidly. "You really want a Howe as a Grey

Warden? You are a very strange women." His eyes turned toward the ceiling. "I can't

decide if this is a vote of confidence or punishment."

"An... interesting decision, Commander." the seneschal looked worn, as if he was

wondering how long I would live with Nathaniel with the Wardens. He looked back at the prisoner. "Come with me, ser. We'll see if you survive the Joining."

_A/N: So... I know that I'm supposed to be writing about Nadine... but I can't help but __write this story! It had to come out!_


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